Never forcibly light a lamp for others
Never forcibly light a lamp for others
​ people live, as long as their own light, never forcibly light for others.

there are often such people in our lives.

if you choose your major according to your own interests, he has wisely concluded that this major has no future.

you are committed to a career, and he teaches you that you must start a family before you start a career.

when you want to return to work after giving birth, he tells you from his own experience that women should stay at home and take care of their children.

the act of forcibly lighting a lamp for others seems smart, but in fact it is silly.

sometimes self-righteous kindness is not necessarily a good thing for others.

after all, no matter the growth experience or the actual situation between people, no one can be responsible for other people's lives, nor do they have the right to make decisions for other people's lives.

people who are really knowledgeable have long known how to control themselves and not to pass others.

your standard answer

is not necessarily the best solution of others

in the studio, Dong Yuhui once talked about his younger brother, who was three years younger than himself, and his words were full of remorse.

my younger brother used to work in a big company in his hometown, so it was easier, but he didn't earn much.

in Dong Yuhui's view, his younger brother was content with the status quo and did not want to make progress, so he tried his best to persuade his younger brother to resign and go to the big city to seek promotion.

as he wanted, my younger brother resigned and went to Shanghai and then to Shenzhen. He worked every day until the wee hours of the morning for more than two years, but he didn't make much money.

in the end, I couldn't even pay the rent or support myself, so I had no choice but to go back to my hometown.

Dong Yuhui still blames himself for this matter, and even dares not get in touch with his brother for a long time. He is afraid that he will react and remember that he has caused him to lose his comfortable life.

at this point, Dong Yuhui said:

"Don't easily give advice to others. Our biased, narrow and one-sided life experience is actually not enough to guide other people's lives."

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in reality, many people are used to telling others what to do about their lives.

remember that host he Jiong once answered a test question in the program:

"when you find a delicious dish, will you give it directly to your friend, or will you recommend it verbally and let him make his own decision?"

everyone thought that with his enthusiasm and thoughtfulness, he would choose to put the food directly on someone else's plate, but unexpectedly, he chose the latter.

he explained: "because I don't know what I like, whether others like it or not, and I don't know whether what suits me suits him or not, so I only recommend it. Whether or not to eat this dish is up to him in the end."

in this world, everyone has his own attitude towards life and way of doing things.

you may not know the happiness of others, and you may not know all about other people's difficulties.

our experience and knowledge are often not enough to judge other people's lives.

what you think is useless may be the love of others;

what you think is a waste of time, maybe others enjoy it;

the life you think is good is not necessarily what others want.

you should know that the standard answer you think can be the reference answer of others, but it is by no means the best solution that others must choose.

just as Yin Ye said when he visited the Roundtable School:

"the beauty of the earth is because it does not give up every color. There is no only standard for success. Life should be in full blossom. "

the best relationship

will also be ruined by being a good teacher

I have a relative who, after entering middle age, has become an omniscient "life mentor" who likes to guide others on life.

he has to get involved in everything from dressing and eating to finding a mate in employment.

he boasts that "people from experience" preach to the younger generation, as if as long as people listen to him, things will be perfect and life will be open.

but when everything goes too far, it changes.

those relatives and friends who are often instructed by him, instead of being grateful to him, began to keep their distance from him one by one.

he wronged and said to his wife, "I did it for their own good, but how come there are no people inside and outside?"

the wife said right to the point: "just because you like to be a teacher, don't blame others."

I believe that no one will like such people, but in reality, there are not a few such people.

they may be our parents, loved ones, or relatives and friends. The more intimate they are, the more likely they are to appear.

those who like to be teachers subconsciously cling to their own "truth", shackled by their own cognition, and immersed in their own world.

always thinks that he is better than others and likes to show his sense of superiority by pointing others.

do not know that what is exposed is their own personal background.

author Elvin Strymart said:

"I offer some advice only when others turn to me for help. Even so, I am cautious, because experience, like old clothes, is seldom suitable for others. "

in life, the hand is too long and the tube is too wide, and the result is often:

turn easy things into difficult things, good things into annoyances, and joys into pains.

A good relationship is never managed.

in the adult world, no matter how good the relationship is, if the other person does not take the initiative to ask for help, he should not be forced to light a lamp for others.

if you do not give each other room for self-consideration, in the long run, to the other personThis is a kind of consumption, and in the end, it will only cool the relationship and the hearts of the people.

if you really want to be kind to others and give up being a teacher, it is the best protection for a relationship and the most comfortable social state.

just send your own light

Don't forcibly light a lamp for others

there is a touching clip in the movie bucket list.

Carter colluded with the driver to arrange a meeting between Edward and his daughter in order to untie his friend Edward and his daughter.

when the driver parked his car in front of his daughter's house, Edward noticed it and flew into a rage.

"Don't think that you can make decisions for me just because I tell you about myself!"

then, the two good friends had a big fight and broke up in discord.

in fact, Carter's starting point is understandable, but the mistake is that he should not make decisions for his friends.

it is often said that there are only three things in this world: God's business, other people's business, and your own business.

the troubles of the world often lie in forgetting their own affairs, meddling in the affairs of others, and worrying about the affairs of God.

do not realize that no one can decide the affairs of God; we have no right to interfere in other people's affairs; we can only mind our own business.

in "Strange talk", a guest said that she had a particularly difficult and depressed day because she always wanted the people around her to act according to her own standards.

indeed, one's energy is limited. If you spend all your time on others, you will inevitably have little energy to be yourself.

it is better to pay attention to the thoughts of others, to take good care of yourself and to do what you should do, is to be responsible for your own life, but also the greatest kindness to others.

psychologist Jung once said:


for everyone who gropes his way in the dark, perhaps what he desires most is not a lamp, but a lighthouse.

there is a lot of heaven and earth, and there are many ways to live. Since you can't bear the cause and effect of other people's life, you might as well learn not to light a lamp for others by force.

as the saying goes, if you have nothing to worry about, it is a good time for the world.

I like Mark Levi's sentence in the Shadow Theft:

"you can't interfere in other people's lives, even for their own good, because this is his life."

in this world, everyone has his own snow, and each has his own obscurity and cleanness.

the greatest sobriety of adults is

respect other people's values and not evaluate other people's life values at will;

look at other people's lives from a distance, without informing others about their way of life;

appreciate other people's personality, do not easily define other people's quality of life.

if you are alive, just give your own light, and never forcibly light a lamp for others.



, may you and I both give ourselves back to ourselves, others to others, and live the rest of our lives in our own lives.

authorize publishing.